


Defiling Your Good Christian Neighbourhood

by qvarries



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Degradation, Exhibitionism, M/M, Penetration, Public Sex, Violence, light blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 19:17:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11607249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qvarries/pseuds/qvarries
Summary: When Mary begs Robert to help her down at the bake sale, he simply can't refuse. Even though he's forced to deal with the sweetest temptation of all: Joseph.





	Defiling Your Good Christian Neighbourhood

**Author's Note:**

> Written by the lovely glittermilk! Go check her out at http://tamiruku.tumblr.com/!

Another fucking bake sale. Robert couldn't understand how the whole town hadn't developed diabetes by now- these events were happening more and more frequently and yet somehow Joseph always managed to convince everyone that the church was still low on money. Honestly he couldn't blame them for trusting him, the minister had such a genuine air about him that he could probably get away with murder if he was so inclined. Some people might have called that quality charming. Robert called it dangerous. 

For a long time now, he'd made a conscious effort to avoid Joseph whenever possible because the sight of him just made his blood boil. He and Mary were the only ones who knew the truth and he _hated it_ \- he hated having to smile and chat with the guy like nothing was wrong just to keep up appearances. All he wanted was to do was scream and yell and expose the minister for the monster he was, but unfortunately Joseph had a few little secrets about Robert as well. That was why the next best option was to just stay away, and yet every weekend he'd get the same text on his phone:

_Hi Rob, hope to see you at the Bake Sale tomorrow!_

He used to reply with various expletives or vulgar emojis but now he didn't even bother. Replying with anything at all was giving the asshole much-craved attention and he knew that by remaining silent he was winning. Sometimes he would open his door on Sunday night to find a flowery cake tin on his doorstep filled with brownies that he never ate. Sometimes there would be a note too, and if he was weak enough to read it his face would always be bright red moments later. 

Despite everything, though, he'd been doing so well lately. He hadn't seen the minister in public for at least a month, and it had been even longer since they had...'hung out together'- a fact the he was reminded daily of via more texts. The thought of turning up to this bake sale hadn't even crossed his mind, not until the morning it was being held, anyway.

His phone had started buzzing before midday, which might as well have still been the middle of the night. After several rings he finally gave in, rolling over to his bedside table and glancing at his messages.

_wake up_

_wake up_

_wake up_

It was Mary, which was odd. She was usually kind enough to leave him be until the evening, especially when they'd been out the night before.  
 **mary.**

**please.**

_whats up loser_   
**  
im dying**

_told you not to take that last shot_

_youre getting old, robbie ;)_

**what is your memory going or something**

**i didnt even drink that shot in the end**

**watch who youre calling old, grandma**

_lol_

**so what do you want**

_ive got a favour to ask sweetie_

_but youre not gonna like it_

At this point Robert groaned and sat up. He couldn't resist when Mary pulled the favour card, only because it was such a rare occurrence. She was a stubborn woman, and didn't like asking for help even when she needed it. Besides, her life was difficult enough already, and he could always sleep a little easier knowing he'd eased her burden a bit.  
 **  
if the word 'babysitting' is involved in this favour**

**you owe me like**

**four drinks**

_lol no_

_worse_   
**  
no offense but**

**i cant think of anything worse than being alone with the stanley kubrick twins**

_i need you to come to the bake sale today_

Robert threw his phone onto the mattress, his stomach sinking. Mary knew exactly what she was asking from him, and he just couldn't. There was no way. When his mobile continued to vibrate among the sheets he eventually grabbed it again, one head in his hand as he caught up with Mary's messages.

_rob_

please

robbie

honey

come on  
im desperate

i have to turn up to these things every fucking weekend

and im so hungover

and i hate everyone there

i need my wingman with me

rooooooooob

Robert thought for a moment, then sighed. 

**jesus alright relax**

**what time do you want me there**

And just like that, he had an excuse- no- a reason to see Joseph again. Perhaps he could treat this as a test. Maybe it had been long enough that he didn't feel that way about the minister anymore. Those idle thoughts that still drifted into his mind now and then of soft lips and warm hands- they didn't count, right?

And now Robert was sat in the church parking lot, smoking a cigarette to calm his nerves and watching the steady trickle of people wander past his car and towards the stalls. He was actually starting to feel pretty optimistic about the whole ordeal, until he spotted Joseph leaving the church with a few trays of cookies in his hands. Worse yet, the minister had noticed _him_ , or at least his truck, and had actually stopped for a minute to stare. The two were too far apart for Robert to actually see, but he just knew the smug bastard had a huge grin on his face.

Now that he'd been caught and he didn't have a reason to delay his appearance any longer, he stubbed out his smoke and hopped out of the truck. For a second he was almost tempted to say a little prayer in his head, but he'd grown a lot more cynical about religion as of late and it would only be for ironic purposes anyway. He took a step forward and then another, eyes fixed to the ground so that he wouldn't be tempted to look over at the minister. He could do this, he at least had _some_ self control for christ's sake. He was in public. He'd be with Mary. He'd be-

"Oh hey bro! Haven't seen you at one of these in a while!"

It seemed that Craig had spotted him as well. That was fine, this wasn't a stealth mission. No one but Robert had any reason to feel weird about him being here.

"Oh, yeah, Craig. How's it going?"

"Oh, you know how it is, bro, busy as always. I'm in the middle of changing suppliers for the business and-'

Robert couldn't help himself. He was zoning out, his gaze drifting from Craig's face and over his shoulder. Over to Joseph. He was a little closer now, and the minister hadn't caught him staring, too busy laying out the cookies and chatting with passers by. It was unsurprising that nothing about him had changed since they'd last met. With his freshly cut hair, his neatly ironed pink polo shirt and custom-tailored slacks, Joseph was still as perfect as ever. For someone so inherently monstrous he made looking sweet seem so easy. Robert watched as the minister moved to lift a box off of the ground, bending at the waist so that the fabric of his pants tightened over his ass. That was when he had to look away, praying his face wouldn't turn to red as a result. God, he was weak. He was so, pathetically weak.

"Hey, are you okay bro? You look kinda sick."

Robert was drawn back into the conversation and he faltered for a second, clearing his throat and shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Oh yeah, well, you know me. Nighttime Robert likes to go wild and leave the consequences to Daytime Robert."

The other man chuckled at that, giving him a friendly slap on the back that was just a little too hard. 

"Bro, you totally need to do a detox. I guarantee it'll make ya feel like a new man."

"Yeah I'll, uh, definitely consider it."

"Alright bro, sounds good! Anyway listen I'll see you around yeah?"

Another slap and Craig was gone, rushing over to one of his twins who was on her tip-toes trying to reach the highest cupcake on the stall's display. Typical- it seemed the guy could never stay in one place for long. Now with nothing else holding him back, Robert had to continue towards Joseph's stall, his breath catching in his throat and his jaw clenched and tense. When he was only a few meters away the minister finally noticed him approaching and put down a big plate of pastries so he could lean up against the confectionery-covered table.

"Goodness me," He beamed, one hand planted on his chest, "All this sugar must be making me hallucinate, because I'm definitely seeing Robert Small at my bake sale."

"Don't get your panties in a twist, honey." Robert grumbled, staring the other man coldly in his eyes. It was a difficult thing to do, but if he gave even the slightest indication of weakness then Joseph would jump on it. "I'm just here because Mary wanted some help."

"Mary? Oh, she left to go run a few errands. But if you're so graciously offering your help..."

"No way. I'm not doing a thing for you, Christiansen."

Damn, had Mary really given up on him and bolted already? He didn't think he'd been that late but maybe he'd spent more time worrying in his truck than he'd realised. Still, that stung a little. She was the one that had fucking dragged him out here in the first place- it seemed Mary owed him those drinks after all. 

"Awh, Robbie...what's the matter?" Joseph cooed, taking a step forward which instinctively caused Robert to take a step back. He didn't like the blond's tone at all. This was definitely dangerous territory. "We haven't spoken in weeks, don't you want to catch up?"

"No. I don't."

If Mary wasn't here, that meant he didn't have to be either. Robert turned away from the other man, intent on storming back to his car and picking up a copy of Casablanca and a six pack of beers on the way home. Unfortunately for him Joseph followed, leaning an arm on his shoulder and matching his stride.

"Really, are you sure? You're not even going to take anything home with you? I baked some cookies last night that are actually really fucking delicious."

Robert stopped. The skin on the back of his neck prickled delightedly and his face started to feel very hot again. The sound of Joseph swearing was like an aphrodisiac to him, and the bastard knew it. His smooth, velvety tone that was only suited to speak the word of God turned every syllable of the curse into a kiss, and it meant that no matter how many times the minister pulled this trick on him it always worked. _This_ was why he always stayed at home.

"Don't." Robert breathed softly, "Don't you dare." 

He started to walk away again, his pace quickening whilst Joseph followed along like a loyal dog. God, he hoped they weren't making a scene, though the minister didn't seem too worried about that, wrapping his arm around Robert's shoulders and leaning in close. People were stupid. If they saw the two of them like this they would probably just be touched by the closeness of their friendship but if Robert let him the other man would definitely start moving on to far less platonic activities.

"I'm serious, Rob," Joseph insisted, murmuring the words into his ear like the tempting little devil on Robert's shoulder. "I pulled those bad boys out of the oven last night and just thought, _fuck_ , that's one good cookie."

God, where was Mary? 

He made the choice to take a detour that would get him to his truck more quickly, cutting through the graveyard and around the back of the church. They were more obscured from view here, which was a little dangerous, but knowing from experience that Joseph would happily flirt and kiss him in public anyway it was probably worth the risk. Besides, the moment he was in his car he'd be safe. He kept repeating that sentence over and over in his head as though it would help him block out the feeling of Joseph's warm breath in his ear. It definitely didn't.

"Alright, alright, Robert. Hold on a second."

In an oddly unsettling turn of events, Joseph suddenly returned to normal- or at least the polite, saccharine tone that everyone _thought_ was his norm. Robert paused, but didn't turn around. The other man had even backed off a little, much to his relief, and suddenly it felt as though he could finally breathe again.

"I'll let you go, Robert. These sales aren't really your thing, I get that. Maybe sometime next week you can come over for dinner instead? I'll grill us all up some really nice--"

"Whatever, Joseph. Bye."

"Hold on, hold on!"

The blond had taken him by the wrist to stop him from leaving and Robert finally turned around just to cast a stony glare at him.

"You have _literally_ less than a second before that face is getting punched, Christiansen. I'm serious."

"Okay but before you go, you should probably know..." He hesitated.

"What?"

"Those texts Mary sent you this morning. They were from me."

Robert snapped. With one hand firmly grasping Joseph's thick head of hair and the other at the small of his back, he shoved the minister into the church wall with a thud and pressed the side of his perfect face up against the cold, rough brick. 

"You... _what_?"

He could hardly believe it. Sure he'd been dazed and hungover when he'd read them this morning but those were definitely Mary's texts or at the very least flawless imitations of her typing style. Now he understood why she was missing- of course she hadn't abandoned him. She probably didn't even know he was here.

"Nnh...fuck, now that's more like it." Joseph giggled, watching the other man out of the corner of his eye. "So you really didn't know, huh? Part of me wondered if you were just playing along too. Ah, my sweet, stupid Robert..."

The minister pushed his ass up against the other man's crotch, forcing Robert to decide whether to let him go or endure the teasing. He remained firmly in place. 

"Sometimes I think you forget that Mary is my wife. I know her. More importantly, I know how to break into her phone."

Robert pulled the other man's head back and smashed it right back into the wall, absolutely mortified. Whilst Joseph cooed and chuckled at the violence, he thought back to all the texts he'd ever sent to Mary. He couldn't count all the times he'd spammed her with drunken complaints about how much he missed Joseph, just because she was the only person he could tell. On several occasions he'd made her swear not to tell her husband about any of it, about how much he missed him. God, he was going to be sick.

"You..." He breathed, tugging at the blond locks of hair as though he was intent on tearing them off of the other man's head. "You _fucker_!"

It probably wasn't a good idea to start throwing insults around, considering how much Joseph got off on being degraded. The minister purred again, starting to continually grind up against Robert's hips in an attempt to coax a boner out of him. 

"Reach into my back pocket." Was the reply he got, his tone soft but inappropriately commanding for someone who was being forced up against a wall. His mind a smog of pure white rage, Robert didn't have the capacity to think his actions through. Walking away now, after everything, would be the ultimate victory but he was tense and furious and one way or another the other man was going to pay for it. He slipped the hand on Joseph's back into the pocket of his slacks, as asked, giving his ass a rough squeeze that resulted in a satisfying gasp from the blond.

"Hah, try again, sweetie."

Was he being fucked with? Robert checked the other pocket and surprisingly there really was something tucked away in there. He pulled it out and stared at the object in his hands: a conveniently small bottle of lube.

"You," Robert breathed, finding no room to be any more outraged than he already was, "are an absolute whore."

"Only for you, baby."

God, what was the point in trying anymore? Clearly Joseph was always one step ahead of him, it wouldn't surprise him if the guy had a plan for if he was turned down now. Why did he try so hard to resist the temptation when it only made him feel worse? Joseph was right here, totally pliant under Robert's rough grip. All he had to do was block out the guilt.

More gently than before, he turned the other man around so that his back was now pressed up against the brick. There was a deep gash on the minister's cheekbone where he'd been manhandled into the wall, lazily seeping crimson down to that strong, pale jawline. It was a pretty serious wound, it might even have needed stitches, but of course Joseph was smiling like he knew he'd already won. 

Robert leaned forward and kissed him, first on the cheek above his cut and then his lips. They were sweet, chaste gestures but the meaning behind them was far stronger. This was him admitting defeat.

When Joseph kissed him back more fiercely he planted his hands on the wall either side of the blond's waist, quickly growing more desperate as the feelings of betrayal and anger melted away. The tension of a whole month apart was being conveyed through both of them now, the movements of their lips and tongues far too sloppy for men their age. 

"You wanna go back to my place?" Robert suggested after sucking on the minister's bottom lip for a moment. Yet the other man simply shook his head and snickered, smug as ever as his arms snaked around the other's hips.

"Nope, I want to stay right here."

God, this was so hot. Incredibly stupid, but very hot. The chances of them not getting caught back here were so slim but then again, he'd always been a sucker for danger. 

Like a wild animal Robert went straight for Joseph's throat, biting and sucking without mercy until the sounds of the other man's delight came out low and shuddering. He could feel fingers creeping under the hemline of his shirt as though the minister didn't want him to notice, but when manicured nails dug into his back the subtlety gave way to tiny pin-pricks of pain. 

"Nnh...fuck Rob, you have no idea how much I missed this." 

Robert let out a grunt of agreement, the minister's explicit language starting to make him feel very warm indeed. 

"Then show me." He whispered into the blond's skin, unable to believe that he was actually trying to provoke Joseph further. He'd let himself down already, though, so he couldn't see the harm in making the most of his brief lapse in judgement. And besides, when Joseph was given a challenge, he always delivered.

With a lustful sigh the minister withdrew his hands to fiddle with his belt, dropping his slacks to his ankles without any hesitation. It was easy to see just how aroused Joseph was now, his underwear leaving little to the imagination. Robert got the feeling that his raging boner was probably caused purely by the fact that he'd gotten his own way _again_ but it didn't matter. Joseph was unbelievably cute when he was turned on- his skin all flushed and his eyelids heavy. He couldn't resist stealing another kiss at the sight of him like this, and if it weren't for their past and their public surroundings it might almost have been sweet. 

Robert dipped a hand into the minister's briefs, running his thumb over a hipbone before taking Joseph's cock in his hand. Spurred on by the other's whimpers and the sudden pair of hands in his hair he gave the minister a few encouraging tugs whilst pulling down the zip on his own jeans. If Joseph wanted to expose himself in public that was up to him, but Robert certainly wasn't going to be picking his clothes up off the grass later on.

He didn't have to say anything to get Joseph on his knees- the two of them knew how this went from here on out. He put a hand on the blond's head to help him down onto the ground, the other pressed up against the wall and still gripping that tiny bottle of lube that would undoubtedly come in useful soon enough. 

"So is this the part where I make you wish-- mmph!"

Robert shoved the minister's head onto his cock, taking the little victories where he could. Joseph glanced up, mouth full, and for a moment he actually looked a little irritated. Fuck, that felt good- or maybe that was just the effects of the other man getting to work on his dick. He shuddered at the sensation of Joseph's warm, wet tongue dragging up his shaft, his most sensitive spots probably already memorised. This undeniably beat cumming into his hand every day. Shit, he had no idea how he was going to ever resist the other man again now that he remembered how good this felt. The minister planted his hands on Robert's thighs, taking advantage of the leverage as he worked up to swallowing his entire length. He was fairly large so it was no easy task, and Robert couldn't help but be a little impatient and force Joseph's head down faster.

'Nnh!' Joseph gasped, fingers gripping to the fabric of Robert's jeans. He didn't choke though, he was far too much of an expert for that. Instead he simply began to moan, sending vibrations through the other man's cock in what was definitely a counter-attack.

"F-fuck," It was Robert's turn to gasp now, heat steadily spreading throughout his hips as he began to rock back and forth. For a while he forgot where he was, gradually getting more and more vocal until Joseph had to withdraw, causing a wet pop as his lips ran over his cock head one last time.

"Honey," The minister simpered, sweeping his tongue across his bottom lip to break a long string of precum that attached to Robert's dick. "I appreciate the sentiment, but if you keep yelling like that we're definitely going to get caught."

Had he really been that loud, or was Joseph just trying to embarrass him? It was hard to say. Either way, he grumbled a little disdainfully and began to unscrew the cap on the lube.

"Mmnh...just get your ass over here."

Obediently getting to his feet, the blond turned to face the wall again, giving his butt a demonstrative little wiggle as Robert tugged down his briefs.

"Better make this worth the month I waited." Joseph purred, lightly touching himself whilst Robert covered his fingers in the clear liquid that he squeezed out of the little bottle. Not seeing any reason to go easy on the guy, he pressed two messy fingers up against the other man's entrance, massaging a few circles over his asshole before roughly pressing inside. Now it was Joseph's turn to be too loud, tipping his head back and arching his spine as Robert eased him open.

"Ooh, fuck, Robbie...how are you so good at this?" He moaned, starting to get a little more feverish with the strokes on his cock. 

"Your insatiable fucking libido probably has something to do with it, for a start."

"...Oops."

Joseph didn't sound guilty in the slightest, and perhaps a little too proud of himself, so Robert pushed a third finger into the minister and stretched the digits apart until the blond was trembling and practically mute. When neither of them could wait any longer, he took away his hand and pressed his cock up against the other man's entrance instead, grinding up against his ass just to draw out the anticipation of what was coming next. Joseph glanced at him from over his shoulder, shooting Robert his very best 'fuck me' eyes in an attempt to hurry things along. Just for that Robert delayed things for just a few seconds, until a telling throb made him realise that if they didn't fuck soon then he'd end up spraying cum up the back of Joseph's lovely pink shirt.

"Nngh...you got a condom?"

He wasn't that optimistic about getting one, and at the end of the day it wasn't his problem if Joseph had to walk around full of cum until he found the time to shower, but suddenly the other man was reaching into his shirt pocket. When he pulled out not one but an _entire strip_ of condoms Robert groaned and for once it wasn't sexual, snatching them out of his hand and rolling one on.

"Unbelievable."

"They're strawberry flavoured."

After taking a second to roll his eyes, Robert finally pushed inside, the sudden tightness around his cock practically punching the air out of his lungs whilst the other man cried out beneath him.

"O-oh shit Joseph, f-fuck..."

It seemed all he could do was swear, realising that maybe he hadn't taken quite enough time to stretch the other guy out. Robert leaned his hands up against the wall, curved over the other man as his hips spasmed and eventually found their rhythm. Feeling particularly cruel, Robert pulled out all the way only to slam back in, but before the cry of ecstasy could properly leave the blond's mouth a hand was being clamped over it.

" _Ssh! Ssh! Shut the fuck up a second!_ " Robert suddenly hissed, having to forcibly muffle the other man's panting. Someone was coming. Here could hear the sound of voices chattering from around the corner and the crunch of grass being trodden down into the dirt underfoot. " _Shit, someone's fucking coming!_ "

He froze, trying to listen and work out how close the figures were to them. He was seconds away from bolting and leaving Joseph to his fate, but then it sounded like they'd stopped moving to continue chatting. 

"Wait, hang on a second, I think I left my phone over by the cupcake stall."

"Are you sure? Check through your bag again." 

"Alright, one second."

Robert felt a sudden warmth around his fingers and he almost jumped right out of his skin, realising that the minister had gotten bored and sucked a finger into his mouth.

" _Are you fucking insane?!_ " He hissed, mortified. God, watching Joseph worship his fingers with his mouth was so hot and there were people around the corner and if either of them made so much as a whimper their reputations would both be destroyed forever. Then when the other man started rolling his hips onto Robert's cock again, he had to bite down into the minister's shoulder to muffle an involuntary gasp. Unfortunately for them both he hadn't realised how close Joseph was to the edge and the pain must have been too much to handle, because suddenly he was shooting cum everywhere- including all over his polo shirt. The minister writhed and bucked his hips but Robert kept his hand clamped over that mouth like their lives were on the line, biting his lip as he had to feel every one of Joseph's quick, euphoric breaths against his palm. 

"R-Robert...Robert..." The blond was moaning almost silently, and he had to wonder if it was because he wanted to keep quiet or because he physically didn't have the strength to speak any louder.

" _What?!_ " He hissed back.

"Robert please, mmh, f-fuck me more...p-please...don't stop...feels...nnh...so good..."

This guy was definitely a demon. He had to be. There was no other explanation as to why someone would be doing this to him.

"Did you hear that?" Came a voice from around the corner, "It sounded like someone crying or something..."

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Not knowing what else to do, or maybe just accepting the fact that he was about to be known as 'that guy who was fucking Mr. Christiansen behind the church that one time', he started to pound Joseph with all the energy he had. Every thrust shot a burst of white hot sparks through his body, and God he wished the minister wasn't still making those withed little yelps because they were definitely going to drive him insane. Seeing the other man completely uninhibited and excessively loud was one thing, but watching him actively hold back was unbelievable. Could it be that Joseph Christiansen, criminal fucking mastermind and smug asshole extraordinaire was actually _afraid_? Fuck, it was too much. 

Robert's orgasm came without warning and almost knocked him off his feet, having to bury his face into the crook of Joseph's neck once to muffle more of his cries. He gave one last, powerful thrust that had Joseph cumming again too, splattering jizz all over the grass until the only thing keeping him standing were Robert's arms around his waist.

"Come on, dude. I definitely left it over there. Let's go."

"Oh, yeah. Sure thing."

With the encroaching strangers now disappearing from earshot and cum still lazily leaking from the tip of Joseph's dick, Robert thanked whatever God had spared them and turned the other man over. The long sigh he wheezed out next was caused more by relief than exhaustion.

"Well...hah, uh... goodness, that was a- mmn- close one, wasn't it?" Joseph snickered, trying to sound smug though he was still breathless and dazed. Suddenly the thought of punching the guy was floating back into his head, but Robert just kissed his wounded cheek and tossed the used condom onto the grass at their feet. 

"I swear to God you're gonna be the death of me one day, Christiansen."

"Yep, but would you really have it any other way?"

"You have spunk on your Prada."

"Hm?" Joseph looked down at his shirt, then sweeped the milky liquid up onto his finger. "Oh, no. This is just frosting."

With a wink, he popped the digit into his mouth.


End file.
